About Me
- Shawns Mommy
- cypress, ca, United States
- Hi my name is Jennifer I am ShawnnBears mom. ShawnBear was born with HLHS.We chose the 3 stage surgery. Shawn had his Norwood open heart surgery on January 3rd 2008 and came home on the 19th . He was doing well until about three months old when they decided to do the Glenn early at 3months because of low oxagen sats. When Shawn came back for surgery he was ok for about 3 hours then he came very close to leaving us. He was rushed back to the O.R. and came back in stable condition. Despite that stepback we were sent home about a week later. Shawn was sent home on oxagen because his sats were still in the low 70's. cardio doc said that we should concider another open heart sugery to repair this. Shawn had his reconstuction of the tricuspid valve at CHLA by Dr Vaugh Starnes.December 2009 shawnBear had a pacemaker placed due to low heart rate while sleeping. Shawn has been long but he smiled all the way through. By looking at my amazing boy you would not know that he was born with only half a heart and had 4 open heart surgerys . I have learned a lot from Shawn but the most important thing is not to take life for granted. Enjoy every moment
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Some thoughts on my mind
Here comes the first holiday of 4th of July that I have to celebrate without my ShawnBear. To me now holidays are pointless if you cant spend them with the ones you love and Love ShawnBear more than I love my self . He was a part of me and when he died a part of me died with him. I know Im still here and I am broken . When is my time ? When do I get to see my beautiful baby again ? When will god call me home. I know the God and ShawnBear would want me to be happy but when you loose a child your whole world changes . Its like life stops and you dont know how to start again. I miss him so much. I am so broken inside I dont know what to do. He was my everything . My baby and now hes gone . I love and miss him so much. I have read books and talked with other moms and they say the pain never goes away but it does get esiar . I cant see that yet but I hope in time I will find my way. My life is falling apart and I am trying so hard to keep it together . Everyone has moved on and they ask me how I am or tell me how strong I am . If I told them the truth they would probbably lock me up in a mental hospital. So this past week has been for some reason extremly hard on me . Numbness is gone and reality is here . I dont want it . I think numbness was better in a fog not beliving . hOping that he was just going to come home even though he is gone . I miss him so much and I dont know what to do to make things better or even manageable. I do have good days but those days are filled with quilt because I want him here to enjoy them with me .
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Love you ShawnBear xoxoxo Mommy Happy fourth of July my Bear U are Truely missed
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