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cypress, ca, United States
Hi my name is Jennifer I am ShawnnBears mom. ShawnBear was born with HLHS.We chose the 3 stage surgery. Shawn had his Norwood open heart surgery on January 3rd 2008 and came home on the 19th . He was doing well until about three months old when they decided to do the Glenn early at 3months because of low oxagen sats. When Shawn came back for surgery he was ok for about 3 hours then he came very close to leaving us. He was rushed back to the O.R. and came back in stable condition. Despite that stepback we were sent home about a week later. Shawn was sent home on oxagen because his sats were still in the low 70's. cardio doc said that we should concider another open heart sugery to repair this. Shawn had his reconstuction of the tricuspid valve at CHLA by Dr Vaugh Starnes.December 2009 shawnBear had a pacemaker placed due to low heart rate while sleeping. Shawn has been long but he smiled all the way through. By looking at my amazing boy you would not know that he was born with only half a heart and had 4 open heart surgerys . I have learned a lot from Shawn but the most important thing is not to take life for granted. Enjoy every moment

Monday, June 27, 2011

5 Months today

Today marks the day that my  ShawnBear went into Cardiac Arrest .  They were able to revive him after 45 min but two days later he passed to multy system organ failure amoung other things we do not know . All of those unexplained things drive me crazy. I want to know why this happen when he was doing so well . I keep asking myself what could I have done . Why didnt I see this even though his cardio Dr said he was doing so well. I blame my self more than anyone else. Im his mom and I should of known. I had a feeling he wasnt feeling well but this was so outta the blue. In 2 days it will be 5 months since I lost my Shawn and although it seems like eternity it also feels like yesterday. I miss him so much and blame myself for so many things. When I think about him and the time we have I dont understand why the bad memories of me telling him no . Or stay here with Daddy while I go to the store overpower the good memories we had the few 3 years he was here with us . I felt like I was taking steps forward and feeling a little better lately but today I have not gotten out of bed . I miss him so much . I just want him back and I will not have any answers until I get to heaven my self. I am in a dark place today and just want to fall off the face of this earth right now . Yes I am venting I cant do it on facebook because then my kids will see it and they think I want to kill my self and thats not the case I just have trouble on some days coping with my loss Such a tragedy. I miss you bear
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