About Me

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cypress, ca, United States
Hi my name is Jennifer I am ShawnnBears mom. ShawnBear was born with HLHS.We chose the 3 stage surgery. Shawn had his Norwood open heart surgery on January 3rd 2008 and came home on the 19th . He was doing well until about three months old when they decided to do the Glenn early at 3months because of low oxagen sats. When Shawn came back for surgery he was ok for about 3 hours then he came very close to leaving us. He was rushed back to the O.R. and came back in stable condition. Despite that stepback we were sent home about a week later. Shawn was sent home on oxagen because his sats were still in the low 70's. cardio doc said that we should concider another open heart sugery to repair this. Shawn had his reconstuction of the tricuspid valve at CHLA by Dr Vaugh Starnes.December 2009 shawnBear had a pacemaker placed due to low heart rate while sleeping. Shawn has been long but he smiled all the way through. By looking at my amazing boy you would not know that he was born with only half a heart and had 4 open heart surgerys . I have learned a lot from Shawn but the most important thing is not to take life for granted. Enjoy every moment

Friday, June 24, 2011

get out of bed . I know the pain will never stop . I want him back now please :...(
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Just visited my Shawnbear at the cemetary . I miss him so much. I have visited everyday since he has passed with the exception of 3 days when I couldn't
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I miss my bear
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I miss my ShawnBear

In just a few days it will be 5 months since I lost my precious baby boy. Yesterday my son Daniel came home from Washington, where he has been living since shortly after Shawn was born . Now I have my older son home and my house should feel complete but it is still so emty. It always will be without my ShawnBear all these feelings are so overwhelming again . I know life will never be the same without him and I still cant figure out how to live without him I miss him so much. I just want to lay and be curled up in my bed all day every day. I know I have other children who need me and I have neglected them in regard to there feelings and how I should be with them . yOu think I would love and embrace them more but I am just upset that I dont have my baby. I want him back and thats the bottom line. I have never in my life felt such horrible pain. I am going to try and blog here everyday so I can track my progress and hopefully get some help from other that have been down this road.
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