About Me
- Shawns Mommy
- cypress, ca, United States
- Hi my name is Jennifer I am ShawnnBears mom. ShawnBear was born with HLHS.We chose the 3 stage surgery. Shawn had his Norwood open heart surgery on January 3rd 2008 and came home on the 19th . He was doing well until about three months old when they decided to do the Glenn early at 3months because of low oxagen sats. When Shawn came back for surgery he was ok for about 3 hours then he came very close to leaving us. He was rushed back to the O.R. and came back in stable condition. Despite that stepback we were sent home about a week later. Shawn was sent home on oxagen because his sats were still in the low 70's. cardio doc said that we should concider another open heart sugery to repair this. Shawn had his reconstuction of the tricuspid valve at CHLA by Dr Vaugh Starnes.December 2009 shawnBear had a pacemaker placed due to low heart rate while sleeping. Shawn has been long but he smiled all the way through. By looking at my amazing boy you would not know that he was born with only half a heart and had 4 open heart surgerys . I have learned a lot from Shawn but the most important thing is not to take life for granted. Enjoy every moment
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
First Day at the New Job
WELL TODAY I STARTED WORK FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE MY SHAWNBEAR HAS PASSED AWAY . IT WAS JUST ORIENTATION BUT IT WAS SO DRAINING BEING IN A ROOM LISTEN TO SOMEONE TALK AND WATCH VIDEOS ALL DAY LONG . SO BORING . IM AM HAPPY AND GRATEFULL THAT I HAVE THIS JOB I REALLY NEED IT AND IT WILL HELP OUT ALOT . I BELIEVE THAT IT WILL HELP ME WITH MY GRIEVING . I TEND TO HAVE TO HAVE A REASON TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE A GOOD REASON . MOST OF THE TIME I WILL MAKE EXCUSES WHY I DONT WANNA GO OUT OR DONT NEED TO DO SOMETHING . SO THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD TO COME OUT OF THIS . I MISS MY BABY SO MUCH AND I KNOW I NEED TO START LIVING AGAIN BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE I DONT WANT TO . I JUST WANNA LAY HERE IN MY BED AND DO NOTHING. I ALWAYS LIKED BEING AROUND PEOPLE SO I AM HOPING THIS IS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. SO IT WAS A GOOD DAY I HAVE A LOT OF DEPRESSION INSIDE BUT I HIDE IT WELL. I JUST FEEL LIKE ALL I WANT IN LIFE I CANT HAVE AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO REACH OUT AND GRAB IT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. THINGS CHANGE PEOPLE CHANGE AND ME I JUST STAND STILL . RELIVING EVERYDAY WONDERING IF I WILL EVER WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE I CALL MY LIFE . SO MANY THINGS I WANTED AND NEW THINGS I WANT AND WANT TO DO BUT DO I HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO THEM THAT IS THE QUESTION. ONLY TIME CAN TELL I SUPPOSE . I MISS YOU BEAR FOREVER AND ALWAYS. XOXO MOMMY
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